Men often get a bad rap when it comes to sex. The classic complaint is that “all he wants is sex,” or “every time he touches me, it’s just because he wants sex…”
While many men may have a more direct and “up front” sex drive than their wives, statements like those above overlook a major component of male psychology, and minimize his needs into something purely physical. It’s almost always incorrect, and always unfair.
The truth is, men DO desire sex in a more direct way than women most of the time, but it’s because physical intimacy is a critical part of feeling connected, in love, appreciated, and safe. Women often overlook this, and reduce their husbands’ advances to something selfish and just sexual. It’s not – he wants to connect with you!
Even as children, males tend to be very tactile – they interact with the world around them through touch and physicality. This is why so many boys rough house, and are calmed by parental back scratches (and the like). As they grow up and develop different needs, sex becomes a primary method of connection and expression for feelings of affection and romantic love.
So yes, he does want sex, but it’s not that simple. There are biological functions that make him express his affection and attraction in that way, and through physical intimacy, his psychological needs for connection and appreciation are fulfilled.
He may not be very good at expressing it (or even be consciously aware of it), but that’s exactly what’s going on his head.
The misunderstanding is largely a problem of communication. He’s not articulating the true nature of his needs, and she’s making an unfair assumption – as well as minimizing the depth of his needs.
Really, this is just something to keep in mind next time your roll your eyes and think, “he just wants to get laid.” There’s a lot more going on than that, and the more you understand what sex really means to him, the less likely you are to shrug it off as another “all he wants is sex” moment.
Even if he doesn’t express it directly, your husband has emotional needs, and because of the way he’s wired, some of those needs are met in a physical way. Don’t just brush off his advances as something purely physical…
He’s trying to connect!