Don’t Wait to Want It!

One of the main components separating a marriage from a close friendship is physical intimacy – it’s the element of romance, sex, and physical connection that makes the relationship special, and not just a mental and emotional bond that you could also share with a friend of family member.

Most of us know this to be true, and understand intuitively that sex and physical intimacy are crucial parts of a marriage. Unfortunately, though, this element of married life can sometimes fall down the ladder rungs of importance…

It’s all too common for couples to have less sex as they settle into the marriage, or even if they are still having sex, it’s not with the same passion and excitement it once had. This is perfectly natural as we become more comfortable with our spouses, as we shift our energy toward raising kids, as we age, and as we simply fill our days with more and more responsibility.

The problem, however, is that if we let sex fall off our of priority list, the other areas of the marriage can suffer too. The connections we build through physical intimacy also influence the emotional bond we share, and are a key component of a healthy, satisfying marriage.

Today, we want to cover a few ways you can bring lovemaking back into the forefront of your marriage – how you and your spouse can stay excited and passionate about each other no matter how long you’ve been together.

Now, before we get into this – if sexual problems in your marriage are the result of medical issues, consult your doctor about ways to get back into the swing of things.

For everyone else, the following tips can help you get the spark back in your marriage!

1. Unplug

One of the biggest modern culprits driving a wedge between married couples is the immediacy of our modern technology. With infinite selections on TV, the endless scroll of social media, and the simple fact that most of us have smartphones in our pockets (making us “connected” all day, every day), it can be tough to peel your eyes off the screen to see what’s right in front of you.

Don't wait to want it!
Don’t wait to want it!

It distracts us, takes up our time and energy, and makes us all but ignore the people right in the same room. Such media saturation can also give people unrealistic expectations for how their spouse should look or act.

Try unplugging for a little while. Leave the TV off in the evening and put the phones away. You might be amazed how much more attracted to your spouse you’ll feel after some genuine interaction.

2. Tease and Flirt

All throughout the day, keep the sexy anticipation alive by sending each other flirty messages, by teasing each other, or by fooling around a little in the morning (but stopping before things get too serious). You can keep each other – and the things you’d like to do to each other – on your mind all day. This kind of anticipation builds desire, and makes the moments when you are finally together all the more special.

Just give it a try, and you’ll see the benefits for yourself!

3. Try Something New

We’ve all got our habits, our preferences, and our hang-ups…

But sometimes trying new things in the bedroom (or even trying another room) can be the catalyst that gets the two of you excited about your sex life again. It could be toys, positions… anything out of the ordinary. If you’re feeling embarrassed about going into that kind of store, there are plenty of online sources that will ship discrete packages!

You can start small, of course, but be open to trying new things with your spouse, and talk honestly about what you like, what you don’t, what you might be interested in trying. Chances are, you’ll find something that excites your passions and gets you more actively thinking about your sex life – and the more its on your mind, the more you’ll act on it!

4. Plan Your Time

This might not sound very romantic, but if you’re too busy, too tired at the end of the day, too worried about kids being around, etc., figuring out when you have time to get intimate might be your best solution.

Even if you just know when the best window of time will be, you’ll be more likely to anticipate that time of the day, and be raring to go when the time comes.

This doesn’t mean you have to turn your sex life into a series of carefully scheduled moments. It’s more about making the time for intimacy, and being aware of your ideal times and days – instead of being disappointed when you’re too tired at the end of the day or not being able to find the right moment.

5. Get Away

Change your scenery! Take off on a trip, go camping, stay at a local hotel for a few nights… You don’t have to break the bank, but getting out of your routine, away from kids and chores and anything else around the house that might distract you from getting intimate with your spouse, can make the whole relationship feel fresh and exciting!

You may need to incorporate a combination of these tips to get the ball rolling, but once you do, the benefits to your sex life – and really, your whole marriage – will be quite noticeable. You’ll feel more connected, more romantic, desire more closeness, and above all, your marriage will be much, much stronger!

Try these tips out right away, and watch your sex life transform for the better.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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10 comments

Anne 7 years ago

my husband and i are in our early 30's (he's 31 and i'm 33). he used to have a very high and healthy sex drive but it has seemed to just completely disappear.

Anne 7 years ago

my husband and i are in our early 30's (he's 31 and i'm 33). he used to have a very high and healthy sex drive but it has seemed to just completely disappear.

eddy 7 years ago

My wife and I have been married for 14 years now. Actually just celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday. No sex of course. Tried a little bit of flirting and touching while we went out last night and immediately got shot down. It will be four years in August since we have had sex. Starting to think we probably never will again.

eddy 7 years ago

My wife and I have been married for 14 years now. Actually just celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday. No sex of course. Tried a little bit of flirting and touching while we went out last night and immediately got shot down. It will be four years in August since we have had sex. Starting to think we probably never will again.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Anne, here is some advice on how to rekindle a sexless marriage - all I know is im kinda sad about are sex life

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Anne, here is some advice on how to rekindle a sexless marriage - all I know is im kinda sad about are sex life

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Eddie, it would be time to talk about it then. Has she spoken with her doctor about her lack of sex drive? https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/perimenopause-hurting-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Eddie, it would be time to talk about it then. Has she spoken with her doctor about her lack of sex drive? https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/perimenopause-hurting-marriage/

Molly J 7 years ago

Total lost interest in sex. Began as pain related to menopause. But also lost interest in my spouse.

Molly J 7 years ago

Total lost interest in sex. Began as pain related to menopause. But also lost interest in my spouse.