Are you frustrated that your partner wont listen to you?  Do you sometimes wonder if you and your partner are even speaking the same language? Are you afraid your relationship is over?

If so, here is Dr. Dana’s Communication Lesson to help you deepen you connection as a couple.

Make an Effort To Truly Listen

We should always ask ourselves with each interaction, with each argument, even with each silence, “Is this bringing me closer or further away from the person I love?”  Truly listening and making an effort to understand, (even if you agree to disagree), will always bring you closer.  It helps you and your partner feel safe, understood and connected.

Connecting Should Be the Main Goal

Begin by asking yourself “What do I want to accomplish?”  The answer should always be that “I am trying to connect with my partner.”  Remember that each interaction can bring us closer together or further apart from our partner.  What I mean is this:  our primary goal should always be to understand and to be understood, and therefore move closer to our partner.   Some of us, however, often get so caught up in being “right,” we lose sight of being unified and happy.

Thorough Communication Leads to True Understanding

Next, ask yourself “What do I need them to know?”  This is complicated because there are many parts to the answer.   Many people jump right into what they think is the “solution.”

1. “Stop yelling at me!”
2. “Aargh!  Why don’t you just call me when you say you’re going to?!”
3. “That’s it!  I’m never taking you to another work function!”

All of these are ineffective and often do more damage than good.  They also lack other key information that, if more thoroughly communicated, would more likely help you be better understood and potentially decrease the chances of these painful situations happening again.

A Better Way to Communicate

If you have an emotionally charged topic you need to communicate, the best way to get your point across is by using an “I” statement.  An “I” statement is a technique to help better communicate difficult topics in a non-threatening way.  There are four parts to an “I” statement all of which we talk about in detail in the StrongMarriageNow System.  The point is: when you kindly and lovingly ask for what you need, it’s so much easier for your partner to give it to you.

To learn more about using Dr. Dana’s Important Communication Lesson – How to Really Connect  using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out ourStrongMarriageNow System.

Do you really listen to your partner and connect? Does it help? Tell us about it!   Please comment below.

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