The month of January is known, somewhat notoriously, as “Divorce Month” because of the jump in divorce rates at the beginning of the year. While numbers vary from state to state (and even year to year), it’s not too difficult to imagine why January sees more marital breakups than other months.
It could be a result of the recently passed holidays – where struggling couples, stressed by families, money, and holiday pressures simply can’t take it anymore. Others may file for divorce after the New Year for tax purposes, and still others wait until after the holiday season to protect love ones or not distract their families.
Other potential reasons (and these are all just possibilities) include couples thinking that the holiday season would bring them together, only to find out their troubles still existed come January 1st.
Now, there’s a reason for bringing this up – many of the people filing for divorce in January, for a range of personal reasons, may be falling into a trap of unrealistic expectations, seasonal depression, or any number of distractive ways of thinking that take them away from working on their marriages, and make them see divorce as the only option.
We’re here to say that divorce is NOT the only option, and that falling into the traps of “Divorce Month” can be avoided if you are actively working to keep your marriage strong.
If you know that this time of year may present more temptations to give up on your marriage than others, you can recognize the stressors as they happen, and see them for what they truly are – distractions to working on your marriage, an “easy out” that only seems appealing because of other elements of this time of year.
Instead of falling victim to the divorce trends that happen in January, look to a very different New Year tradition, and resolve to make your marriage the best it can be this year!
It might mean taking stock of what’s led you and your spouse to a breaking point, and honestly evaluating what’s a component of the marriage, and what outside influences (like holiday stress) might be influencing your feelings of connectivity.
Don’t become another statistic of “Divorce Month,” if you can help it at all – concentrate on making your marriage the best it can possibly be through patience and open, honest communication, and if you’re feeling the pressures of the season, talk to your spouse and get to the source of the problem before you make any drastic decisions.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
For me a divorce is inevidable. He has been verbally and mentally abusing me for over 15 years. committed fraud. Stole things/money. Always lieing and accuses me of all of the marital problems, when i gave up a good job, left my family and sacrificed everything for him. He has not gotten his kids or me anything, does not show us love or care. openly says he did not want kids or he does not want us. He feels by him coming to the house, this is all he needs to do to "try" to make the marriage work. He pulls extra money out of the account and spends it only on him. We give him things for christmas for over 13 years and have gotten nothing from him. On his 25th wedding anniversary, nothing, nothing for birthdays, christmas nothing. And he thinks I am wrong for wanting out. He has choked me many times and has even been arrested for domestic violence. Not once has he acted like he is sorry. All he does is Blah Blah Blah, makes promises that he has not kept. I am tired of him thinking that he owns me and when he says jump I need to jump as high as I can and even that is not good enough. he wants me to give my whole life for him. He never does anything nice, cant keep a job because of how he treats people.
Deb, I'm sorry to hear you are being treated badly. No one deserves to be treated like that. Please take a look at this video: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-time-call-quits/
What are some ways I can start steering my marriage in a different direction? We just seem indifferent to each other now..
This is horrifying. I think my wife is going to divorce me. It's only been getting worse since the beginning of autumn. Do you have any information on helping same-sex marriages?
David, If the two of you are starting to feel indifferent to each other, it may be time to work on reconnecting as a couple. Here is a great article on "10 Ways to Reconnect and Keep The Magic Alive All Year." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/10-ways-reconnect-magic-alive-year/
Kathy, One thing that is important in all relationships is communication! One way to improve your relationship with your partner is to improve your communication in the relationship. Here is a helpful video on how to do just that! https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/communication-in-marriage/#comm-video
I know I have posted in another section of blogs and I appreciate the video link. But I already have the links and the book and the other videos because I bought the system. However, it is not working. Yes we are communicating more than we were 2 weeks ago, which I take as progress. However, we still live apart, we have only been alone 1(to talk for like 2hrs) in over a month. He has been spending time with another woman and we are moving to a different state to live in separate houses in hopes to work on our marriage. Although, it seems hopeless and that each day I feel we make progress something else comes in like finding out he lied and went to dinner with this lady while I was with our son so he could play and not be with his son. I think the system works, there are some wonderful points but my husband has not made any effort to save our marriage and seems to be enjoying his freedom. I had an affair and I am working on me in hopes he notices but I am giving up. All the activities are for a marriage that both parties want to work on, mine is not that way. I am heart broken.
Connect with her in joint activities. Try something new-if your active try rock climbing at a sports gym or if you like wine they have wine and paint classes. Trying new things and trying to get on the same page is a good way to get reconnected. And have each other join in the activities you already do. Be a part of each others lives and the indifference can go away. It does not need to be heavy or about the relationship-be playful.