People magazine has named Channing Tatum the Sexiest Man Alive for 2012, and while many men think they could never compare to the Magic Mike star’s chiseled physique, they may not be right! Because real sex appeal has less to do with muscles and jaw line than you might think!

By definition, the “sexiest” man to any woman is simply the man she decides she wants to have sex with. While looks may be important in this department, there are other factors that have much larger effects on a man’s sex appeal.

If you want to be as sexy as Channing Tatum for your wife, before you go running off to the gym or start working on your dance moves, keep in mind these three things that women find absolutely irresistible:

1. Connection

As we’ve mentioned in other articles, most women have to feel connected to want to have sex. For men, who often feel connected by having sex, this can be a difficult concept. It means that your wife needs a sense of personal closeness with you – she needs intimacy in a non-sexual way before she’s going to feel “ready to go.”

There’s no trick to this one – true intimacy comes from spending quality time together, allowing yourselves to be vulnerable around each other, sharing experiences, and communicating openly. When a woman feels truly connected to a man, she will find him inherently sexy, and that’s got nothing to do with muscles and a tan!

2. Feeling Wanted

Everyone wants to feel desirable, both men and women alike. In a marriage, though, it is important to clarify the specifics. Your wife wants you to want HER! A common complaint among women is that their husbands “just want sex.” There is a big difference between indicating that you want to have sex, and that you want to have sex with her in particular.

Showing your wife that your desires are directly and explicitly related to her can be a huge turn on.

3. Power

Equating power with sex appeal is definitely not a new concept, but we are NOT talking about physical strength or political clout here – the kind of power that makes you sexy for your wife is the power of confidence, self-control and personal responsibility.

To her, admitting to faults and taking actions to correct them is a sign of power. Keeping promises, following through with plans, maintaining your temper, all of these things are signs of a mature, powerful man – and they are all sexy!

Self-control is one of the sexiest qualities a man can have. Power over his temper, his habits, his schedule – these are all examples of the kind of power that women find irresistible.

You see, being the Sexiest Man Alive isn’t necessarily how the magazines portray it – there’s a lot more involved than good abs. In fact, most of your sex appeal is determined by your behavior, not your looks – and this is a good thing, because it’s
a lot easier to modify your behavior than to change your appearance. Just remember, a man who can communicate openly and honestly, is confident in himself (not cocky), shows intelligence and a sense of humor, and maintains control of his actions has greater sex appeal than any body builder who lacks those qualities. It’s all about the way you carry yourself, and the way you treat her!

You are in control of your own sex appeal – be the Sexiest Man Alive for your wife!

If you are looking for more ways to boost your marriage, and increase your overall sexiness, check out the StrongMarriageNow System.

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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com