Continuing our series from last time, today we’ll be looking at 3 more marriage problems that could spell big trouble for the longevity of your relationship. These issues are NOT a guarantee that your marriage will fail, but left unaddressed, they could be disastrous.
We’re covering these things to offer you a warning… If these are problems you’re currently dealing with, it’s time to start the process of resolving them. It may take time (and will definitely take effort), but you can get your marriage back on track before any more damage is done.
Let’s get right into three more potential marriage enders.
1. Sexual Issues
As we’ve covered in the past, a healthy sex life is an important part of a marriage. The intimate, physical connection you share is what makes the difference between lovers and friends – and the unconscious bonds you form through sex (and other forms of physical affection) are more powerful than you may realize!
Now, it’s always worth mentioning that people can have a wide range of sex drives, preferences, or versions of what they view as a “satisfying” sex life – and that’s ok! Problems arise when couples aren’t on the same page – and don’t talk about it.
If you aren’t satisfied with your sex life, are having issues in the bedroom, or suspect that your spouse isn’t speaking up about it, it’s time to have a conversation. It might be tough (and a little embarrassing) to talk about, but if you don’t get honest about this stuff, the problems will persist… And likely get worse.
2. You Aren’t Making Each Other Happy
This one is a little bit complicated. There are essentially two sides to happiness when it comes to your marriage. On one hand, you have to recognize that your spouse is NOT responsible for your happiness… You are.
You can’t rely on one another as a source of happiness, and blame your spouse if you are struggling to maintain a good mood or feel content. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and you absolutely CAN be in control of your own happiness – even if that means taking it upon yourself to make drastic changes to your habits, how you spend your time, diet, or any other facet of your life.
Now, the other side of this is directly related to your marriage. It’s not your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy – and not yours to make them happy… However, if you aren’t making ANY efforts to brighten each other’s days, that’s a problem. Plenty of little things – from kind words of praise to helping each other out around the house – can show your spouse that their wellbeing is important to you, that you want to them to be as happy and stress-free as possible.
Again, you are each responsible for your own overall sense of happiness, but a lack of effort to contribute to your spouse’s day-to-day joy is an issue that needs addressing. It indicates a detachment from the relationship, and a lack of concern for the other person. If this is the case in your marriage, start making small efforts to make each other happy before you drift any further apart.
3. Financial Troubles
Money is the number one thing couples fight about… And it makes perfect sense. Most married couples share finances, and stressing about money is something that most of us have to deal with at one time or another. When finances are shared, it’s all too easy to scrutinize your spouse’s spending habits, worry about their share of the income, and so on. Because we all have different opinions on saving and spending, on what’s worth buying and what isn’t… There are bound to be disagreements from time to time.
When you really don’t see eye to eye about money, the disagreements can turn into full-blown arguments – and if it happens often enough, it can damage the whole dynamic of your marriage, keeping you both tense and angry day after day.
The solution is simple: MAKE A BUDGET. Take the time to sit down together, evaluate your finances, figure out where you both stand on various kinds of expenditures, and develop a budget you can both agree on. Once you’ve agreed on how much you’ll spend and where, this budget becomes your fallback for any and all financial disagreements.
If you find yourself fighting about spending (or anything else to do with money), you can simply refer back to the budget, see if your current behavior falls within the guidelines you’ve established, and let the budget be the “bad guy” that tells you whether or not you can make a purchase. You won’t have to fight or blame each other… You both agreed to the budget, and you can both agree to stick to it!
Next time, we’ll look at three more potential marriage enders to wrap up this series. If the problems we’ve discussed here (or in the previous entry) are happening in your marriage, don’t wait to face them. The sooner you get started on these problems, the closer you are to having a happier, healthier marriage!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com