Sometimes the best path to understanding to see how someone else is dealing with a similar situation. This can let people know that they are not alone in their problems, and that help is, in fact, available. With that valuable lesson in mind, we’ve dedicated today’s post to sharing these very real questions (as well as Dr. Dana’s answers) with you.
Question: My wife and I have been married for 30 years. I love her and we are happy. The one thing we fight about is our son. He is 25 years old and still living at home. I think it’s time we boot him from the nest. My wife does not agree. Thoughts?
– Randy, Maryland
Answer: Dear Randy, This is a common phenomenon in today’s society. Many grown children are living at home longer or coming back home after college or after losing a job. As much as we want to help them, however, in most cases, this should only be a temporary solution. I recommend talking to your wife about why this is so difficult for her, and helping her see that the selfless thing to do is, in fact, helping your son grow up. Once she understands and accepts this, I suggest agreeing on a date for your son to move out (no more than three months from now). Let him know immediately and offer to help get him settled. This gives him ample time to arrange his finances and find a place to live.
- It is helpful to know that people are not alone in dealing with their problems
While this may seem cruel to your wife, it is, in fact, the kindest thing you can do for your son. Taking away the scaffolding of your home and finances will force him to grow and become an independent and happy adult. Finally, it is no accident that we have our children in our homes for 18 years. As much as we love them, this is just about as much as our marriage can stand! Let your wife know that you’re excited to begin this next phase of life with her.
Question: HELP! I love my husband, kids, home, and job. I basically love my life. I have no reason to complain. I should be happy but I’m not! I cry for no reason, I don’t want to get out of bed, I feel helpless to change anything, and everything irritates me. Why can’t I just be happy?
– Gina, Brisbane, Australia
Answer: Dear Gina, You have all the hallmark symptoms of depression, not the lay-person’s definition (which usually means, “I’m sad, unmotivated, and I don’t know what to do about it”), but actual, clinical, Major Depression. I highly recommend speaking with a psychologist or doctor in order to determine if this is, in fact, the case. If it is, there are several options to treat it, including exercise, talk therapy, and medication (research indicates that the best treatment is a combination of all three).
Untreated depression can lead to a whole host of problems in one’s life from health issues, relationship problems, professional difficulties, and even divorce. I’m so glad you understand that it’s not your husband and family that are the problem. That is a very important step that many people don’t have the insight to recognize. The good news is that, in most cases, Major Depression can be successfully treated and you can regain an appreciation of your life and be happy again. I urge you to seek professional help.
Hopefully this Q&A session has given you some insight on the issues that others struggle through, and perhaps even touched on problems in your own life. It is our goal to make sure you have the information you need to make your marriage happy, healthy, and as strong as it can possibly be!
Want to learn ways to increase the love and fix your marriage? Check out our StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com