If things aren’t going so well in the bedroom, don’t fret! With the right strategies and right mentality, you can get your groove back…
In the first part of our series, we looked at 4 ways to get your sex life back on track. Ensuring that you have a healthy, satisfying sex life is an important part of maintaining a strong marriage, and even though every person is a different, we all have some basic biology that helps us connect mentally and emotionally through physical intimacy.
Here in part 2, we’ll continue with 4 more tips to shake up your boring sex life, get you and your partner back on the same page, and to help you think more about this important piece of your marriage each and every day.
Let’s get right into it!
1. Change The Menu
It’s important to remember that the world of “sex” is way more than just intercourse. If you’re having sex regularly but feeling unsatisfied, try to change things up and take intercourse off the menu for a while – even a couple of months.
This doesn’t mean avoid sex altogether, but try to limit yourselves to just touch and other ways of pleasuring each other. When you change things up like this, you can increase desire and being to discover other ways to have fun in the bedroom. You might be surprised how creative you can be when you break up your normal routine.
2. Talk About Your Highlights
This may be a little tough for the shy types, but a great way to rekindle chemistry is to look back on the times when it was at its strongest. Take some time and go over your sexual “highlight reel” together, and reflect on your most fun, most enjoyable, most exciting escapades as a couple.
Not only will you likely get some laughs and enjoy some fond memories, you’ll also get yourself thinking about sexual activities, particularly with your spouse. It might be some inspiration to try things again or return to certain places fond in your memories – and more importantly, a reminder of what’s possible for the two of you.
Be as explicit and detailed as you’re comfortable with, and have fun with it!
3. Make Dates
While it might not sound terribly romantic to schedule your sex life, setting aside a specific day or time to put forth the effort can actually have several benefits. First, you’ll clear away distractions and other “conflicts” that might keep you from spending that time with your spouse. You might find somewhere for the kids to be, turn your phone off, change around your work schedule, etc.
Additionally, setting a date (or dates) will help build anticipation – which can make the eventual payoff even better. If you’ve been struggling to feel interested, this kind of drawn out anticipation could be exactly what you need!
Lastly, if it’s been tough to get things going in the bedroom, if you’re having trouble feeling connected, etc., this kind of “date” is a reason to try – even if it isn’t very successful. You’re still making progress, and when you plan a “sex date,” you can’t shy away just because you’re feeling nervous or because it’s “been too long.”
Again, even if things don’t go entirely as planned, you’ve made the effort to try, and if you keep doing it, things are bound to improve.
4. Vacations and Staycations
Sometimes the biggest hurdles to a healthy sex life aren’t physical problems or emotional disconnection – sometimes it’s just time and routine! We get so busy as parents, as homeowners, as employees, as business owners, as friends, and on and on… We stop making time to be lovers. Or, when we do “make the time,” it’s hurried or almost done as an afterthought – instead of a romantic, connecting that transcends from sex to “lovemaking.”
So, take some time off! Whether it’s a getaway for just the two of you, or a “staycation” where you lock the doors, shirk responsibilities, and indulge in time spent as a couple, these are the situations where you can truly take your time, have some fun, and really develop the physical connection you share. This is a way to explore sexual chemistry, connect, talk, and anything else you may want to do – all without distractions, schedules, or even other people getting in the way.
Taking care of your sex life is an important part of marriage, just like taking care of finances, communication, and trust. Physical intimacy has a huge impact on feeling connected, and if this part of the relationship is neglected, it can pull you apart in other areas as well.
Use these tips (and the tips from Part 1) to add a little spice to your less-than-satisfying sex life, and you’ll see how the strength of that connection affects the other areas of your relationship – and remember to enjoy it!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
