The idea of creating happiness is a bit of a tough cookie… On one hand, we all need to be responsible for our own moods and thoughts – it’s up to each and every one of us to take control and find the elements that make up our unique, individual happiness. On the other hand, we should also be making efforts to provide a happy environment for our spouses – doing the things that make each other happy and make the marriage a pleasant, fun, fulfilling relationship to be in!
Unfortunately, too many of us get caught up in the first part, and don’t pay much attention to the other. This is ultimately a selfish way to look at the world, and when you’re only thinking of yourself, you might not even consider the things you’re doing to disrupt the harmony of your marriage.
To help you think more about how you can contribute to your wife’s happiness (and ultimately, make your life happier in the process), here are four tips that are virtually guaranteed to make your wife happy:
1. Stop and Think
When you’re feeling edgy or irritated, or even in everyday conversation with your wife, stop and think before you speak! Most of the snappy, mean, or dismissive things we say just get blurted out before we have a chance to think about how they might affect the situation (and the relationship). If only we’d take a moment to stop to contemplate what we’re about to say, we could likely avoid conflict and keep things on an even keel!
Kindness is easy if we’re self-aware. Don’t let impatient or snappy words just tumble out of your mouth. Think about what you say, and say exactly what you mean!
2. Take Some Action
Your actions define you even more than your words, and one of the biggest issues couples have is thinking that the other person isn’t contributing enough around the house, isn’t proactive enough in their career, etc. – essentially critiquing the actions of their spouse. This isn’t necessarily the right thing to do, but it’s reality – so what better way to counteract such an issue than with action!
When you see something around the house that needs taking care of, just take care of it! Instead of flopping down to watch TV, tackle a project or work on a new skill.
Above all, just be proactive! Your wife will not only appreciate your contributions and accomplishments, she’ll also be inspired to do more herself!
3. Back Off
We often make the mistake of thinking that whenever our spouse is upset, it’s got something to do with us. There are so many other factors that can affect your wife’s mood – work, kids, problems with friends, the list is endless – so if she says it isn’t you, believe her!
Because of this common mistake, though, we might press the issue, not take our spouse’s word for it, or even make them more upset by not giving them the space they need to sort things out. Learn the difference between problems you can help with and problems you can’t, and when the situation calls for it (or when your wife asks you to), just back off!
4. Listen and Ask
Communication is a critical part of every relationship. Some people (especially men) make the mistake, however, of thinking that “communicating” is something set aside for hashing out problems, for discussing the relationship… For “serious talk.”
In reality, good communication is like a thread that should run through every aspect of the relationship, from boring stuff like finances and groceries, to fun and lighthearted joking around, to serious marriage discussion, to honest (even exposing) talks about fears, hopes, and dreams.
To do this, ask questions and listen! Not only will it help you get to know one another on an even deeper level, as well as strengthen your connection, it will also give your wife a little bit of an ego boost if you’re intently curious on what she has to say.
As with so much of our advice and information, this stuff really applies to both husbands and wives. Making an effort to keep your spouse happy, regardless of what you’re doing specifically, means that you’re focusing on the marriage! Your spouse also has to participate in creating their own happiness, but you can help!
If this is something you’re both focused on, the marriage is likely to be an awful lot happier.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
I learned the hard way but I learned when my wife tells me her problem I used to give her advice. That was insulting and got me an unplanned trip to the dog house. Now I ask her how it made her feel. After she tells me, we have bonded.
I learned the hard way but I learned when my wife tells me her problem I used to give her advice. That was insulting and got me an unplanned trip to the dog house. Now I ask her how it made her feel. After she tells me, we have bonded.
My husband has always given me this....I can run to him with any care, he will open his arms & give me his undivided ear, he has my back...then we basically jump to "fix" together.
My husband has always given me this....I can run to him with any care, he will open his arms & give me his undivided ear, he has my back...then we basically jump to "fix" together.
Hi Roman, empathy is something often forgotten in a marriage. Sometimes when we complain, we just want to hear that the other person is being supportive and listening. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-advice-understanding-differences-communication-styles/
Sounds wonderful, Amanda!
Hi Roman, empathy is something often forgotten in a marriage. Sometimes when we complain, we just want to hear that the other person is being supportive and listening. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-advice-understanding-differences-communication-styles/
Sounds wonderful, Amanda!
It is tough because I amdoing everything except working she earns the money I am disabled and receive social security benefits. While she is at work I take kids to school, I fold clothes, dishes & kitchen, clean house, pick up kids, drive them to takwondo twice a week youth group on Wednesday and speech therapy wed afternoon and grocery shop cook dinner. My wife used to complain about not helping around the house because she'd come home and do some of the work. So now I do it all so she doesn't have to. But she comes home makes her own dinner, gives me one word answers and soundsike ever question I ask is exasperating to her and has nothing to do with our relationship. What can I do?
It is tough because I amdoing everything except working she earns the money I am disabled and receive social security benefits. While she is at work I take kids to school, I fold clothes, dishes & kitchen, clean house, pick up kids, drive them to takwondo twice a week youth group on Wednesday and speech therapy wed afternoon and grocery shop cook dinner. My wife used to complain about not helping around the house because she'd come home and do some of the work. So now I do it all so she doesn't have to. But she comes home makes her own dinner, gives me one word answers and soundsike ever question I ask is exasperating to her and has nothing to do with our relationship. What can I do?
Hi David - This sounds like the same feeling as many stay at home moms too. Your wife might be feeling stressed about work, and need to connect with you. As 50s style advice as it sounds, start asking about her workday, or plan something fun for when she gets home. Whether is taking the kids to the park or to ice cream, or settling her to binge on her favorite Netflix show once they go to bed. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/reconnect-feel-close/
Hi David - This sounds like the same feeling as many stay at home moms too. Your wife might be feeling stressed about work, and need to connect with you. As 50s style advice as it sounds, start asking about her workday, or plan something fun for when she gets home. Whether is taking the kids to the park or to ice cream, or settling her to binge on her favorite Netflix show once they go to bed. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/reconnect-feel-close/
It does sound 50ish but that is the problem. I try to ask about work & her day but get one or two word answers. As for when kids go to bed she is in bed many times before them. Sometimes she comes home heads to bedroom looks at I phone for a few and goes to bed @ 9:00-9:30 I tried to set up a night to just play scrabble she said that would be ok but that was almost two weeks ago. As something always comes up. Has dinner with a girlfriend hair appointment her sister is in the hospital she has visited 7 times this week by the time she gets home it's bed time. Besides I have the kids for 6-7 hours a day she has them for maybe 2-3 at the most. So I need some concrete things I can do to save my marriage. It seems I am the only one willing to work on it. She is seeing her own counselor next week but the "I don't love you anymore" and "I don't want to be married" came as a gigantic schock! I knew things were dull but not that bad. Help!
It does sound 50ish but that is the problem. I try to ask about work & her day but get one or two word answers. As for when kids go to bed she is in bed many times before them. Sometimes she comes home heads to bedroom looks at I phone for a few and goes to bed @ 9:00-9:30 I tried to set up a night to just play scrabble she said that would be ok but that was almost two weeks ago. As something always comes up. Has dinner with a girlfriend hair appointment her sister is in the hospital she has visited 7 times this week by the time she gets home it's bed time. Besides I have the kids for 6-7 hours a day she has them for maybe 2-3 at the most. So I need some concrete things I can do to save my marriage. It seems I am the only one willing to work on it. She is seeing her own counselor next week but the "I don't love you anymore" and "I don't want to be married" came as a gigantic schock! I knew things were dull but not that bad. Help!
Hi David, can you set up an appointment for a counselor yourself? That maybe be a good first step. For some steps on how to connect with her, we have a whole section just on saving your marriage alone, but this might be a good first start - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/feel-wife-slipping-away-dr-dana-here/
Hi David, can you set up an appointment for a counselor yourself? That maybe be a good first step. For some steps on how to connect with her, we have a whole section just on saving your marriage alone, but this might be a good first start - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/feel-wife-slipping-away-dr-dana-here/