August 25, 2014 5:00 pm
In the wake of an affair, it’s only natural to… Read more >>
"I can never thank you enough for the life line, and for what you have done for me and my wife. We are so in love with each other again. This actually feels stronger than when we first met and began dating. This is much better, because we don't have to stumble through all the awkward figuring out who we are and being on that uncomfortable best behavior that we had to navigate when we first met.
Our biggest gift that we received from you was the communication skills. Being able to actually talk to each other and fully understand what we are expressing has been the biggest hurdle. Our marriage was falling apart because we were both taking things that we did and said completely wrong and opposite of what each other meant. Now we're able to communicate exactly what we mean, and explain our actions so they're not misunderstood. Everything else is simply falling into place.
I had doubts about this working, and I even got to a point where I was going to give in and figured maybe this is one of the marriages that just couldn't be saved. I realized that we didn't break our marriage overnight and I wasn't going to fix it overnight. I backed off and quit pressing my wife, and just focused on what I needed to do to change and fix the things I had control of.
I prayed every day for the patience and strength to wait for everything to come together.
My advice to anyone out there would be to focus on the things that YOU can change and be patient. Stay on your side of the relationship, clean things up on your end and have it ready so when your spouse does come around they will notice the work you have put into the relationship and how hard you have worked. I was skeptical. My wife said she was done, numb, and really wanted nothing more than to move on. The marriage was over. She was telling all of her friends and family, even my friends and family. For me it was an up hill battle. I not only had to prove myself to my wife, but also to everyone else around her that was encouraging her to leave me. That was tough because even some of my friends were in their own way telling me I didn't deserve her, and that I should just move on and focus on me. I am so glad I stuck it out.
I am still married to the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Thank you from the bottom of a very happy heart." -- Nick
"In 2010, after 10 years of marriage, my husband found out about an emotional affair I had had six years prior. The “affair” ended when I found out I was pregnant (with my husband’s child, to be clear!) with our first child. The pregnancy was like a wake-up call about what road I was currently traveling down. I never told my husband about the affair and thought it to be well in the past. Well, the past never stays buried, and my husband found out from an old email in my sent file while he was trying to help me research something for a job opportunity. He immediately moved downstairs to the extra bedroom, stayed at work to avoid seeing me, got up extra early to avoid me and stopped talking to me altogether. Although I confessed to my wrong doings, admitted my mistake, and made multiple apologies, it did not help. Divorce seemed like it was the only option and was talked about many times. He stated how he could never forgive me and how this was the one thing in our marriage he could never excuse. (We discovered through this process that we had different definitions of “infidelity”).
Hoping to save my marriage and family (we have two young girls) I started looking for help. I knew in-person counseling was not an option for him; we live in a very small town in Alaska and he would never go to someone here. So I started looking online. I found one book based program that was specifically about overcoming an affair and immediately signed up. I set to work and asked him to do it, too. His book sat untouched for a long time and then he finally started working on it slowly. It helped a little, but due to the large amount of reading, and life getting in the way, it was never finished. We lived for a while in a state of tolerance, meaning he tolerated me, but would not initiate conversation; wouldn’t hug or touch me; wouldn’t laugh or let down his guard around me. Then earlier this year he found a piece of paper from a recent conference I had gone to that had one of the presenter’s names on it. I had doodled on the paper, including hearts. This was all completely innocent doodling, with no thought process whatsoever, but with my past history, my husband immediately jumped to conclusions and down we fell on the slippery slope. It was like starting all over; although this time I had no idea what I had done wrong. It wasn’t until a week or so later during a big fight that he explained the doodle page. Knowing that we couldn’t continue like this, I again started researching for a better help option. That’s when I stumbled upon StrongMarriageNow. I watched the free video on How to Get Your Partner Checked Back In and decided it can’t hurt to try. I would hate to walk away from my marriage knowing I truly didn’t try EVERYTHING possible. So I listened to Dr. Dana’s advice on how to get him to watch the videos with me and he agreed. He felt comfortable watching this in our own home. Dr. Dana presents information in a format that he didn’t feel threatened and that was concise and to the point, which is how his brain works. She also was someone that he felt knew her stuff, and therefore, was more willing to take her advice and try to apply it.
We worked through the videos, did the homework, and put in the effort. And you know what? Things truly started improving! I think a real eye-opener for both of us were the videos on How to Make the Best Decision for Your Marriage and how to Affair Proof Your Marriage. The affair proof your marriage video really led me to reflect and determine where I was at that time in my life and what led to putting me at risk for an affair. It also allowed him to recognize some things, too. At the end of these two videos we both said “I wish we had watched this before we got married.” I think if I had known what to watch for before my emotional affair, this whole thing would have never happened.
Now, we are in such a better place. Routines we set up during the courses, such as setting time aside to just talk and check in, have become my favorite time of day. I still don’t know if he’s forgiven me or if he ever will; I don’t push the subject. But I do know we laugh more, play more, touch more and make more of an effort in all areas of our relationship.
My brother is currently going through a contentious divorce, with two small children involved, and it breaks our hearts. They even tried to go to marital counseling, but it only made it worse. Just another point Dr. Dana makes! The other day my husband said to me “I know it’s too late now, but it’s just too bad they didn’t watch those videos….”
I honestly feel that if this was required to watch for every couple BEFORE getting married, the divorce rate would be much lower in our country. It truly should be a part of any pre-marital counseling course.
Beyond a doubt, Dr. Dana has a gift to help save relationships and help those who are feeling so hopeless in their current situation. Thank you so much for all you do and making it accessible for those of us who have no other options and could never see you in person. I have since passed along information on this system to other struggling couples. I know that if it helped us rebuild a new, stronger marriage, it can help them, too!" -- Alyssa & Jason - Sitka, Alaska
"I am a two-time cancer survivor and I am presently on dialysis. Most people don't realize that there is a lot of pressure on the relationship when you have a serious illness to deal with. Time spent on vacation, sexual pleasure, activities and the “normal” life style are instead spent on medical issues. The love is still there, but it’s like your hold on it has turned up side down. Once I began to read Dr. Dana and Amy’s emails I learned to understand things differently, and the changes I made started an adjustment within myself.
It seemed as if I was the only one trying, and the harder I worked at it the more it seemed like I was the only one that wanted to save this marriage. But each email from Dr. Dana gave me hope, and I realized it was not only about me in this relationship. My partner has not made all the changes, but I see improvement in our relationship. I am still disabled and the medical issues are still there to deal with, but I am more understanding and I have learned new ways to cope with the negative aspects. I even founded a fundraising event that brings me a sense of appreciation for who I am.
Dialysis since 2006
Donate on line at http://donate.kidney.org/danceacrossamerica "Please and Thank You"
"As high school sweethearts, my husband and I had a long history together. With this history came all kinds of hurts and growing pains. In 2008, after 13 years together and seven years of marriage, we found ourselves living significantly separate lives. With that and other compounded stresses, I found myself in the middle of an affair that I desperately didn't want to be in. As I was trying to find ways to separate from my husband without hurting him with the truth, he came out of his shell and started to show me the husband he could really be. Since then we have opened up to each other like never before. Instead of leaving, I opened up to him with the truth of my affair, and he showed me he could be strong enough to work through our problems and make our marriage stronger.
We tried counseling, endless all-night talks, reading books on how to cope, and we seemed to be patching things together. We even went to Vegas and renewed our vows! I thought we were really making progress. Then, a business trip that my husband took made him realize that he really had not forgiven me, and that he held on to too much hurt from our past. He, in turn, also had an affair. It was a one-night encounter that turned into a 6-week emotional affair. I knew immediately of the physical affair but not of the emotional affair. He was forced to end the affair or end our marriage. There were many times that I thought this was indeed the end, and there was no other option other than divorce.
I searched desperately for ANYTHING during that time that would "save my marriage". Everything else that I read or tried to involve myself in just didn't work or make sense to our lives. It was all too soft, or fragile, for lack of better terms. I felt hopeless, like the major damage was done and there was nothing that could possibly repair our broken down marriage. I then found StrongMarriageNow. I first watched the videos and then subscribed to emails and read the blog. Dr. Dana's emails and articles help put the puzzle together piece by piece, and they are still working in my life, and in our marriage today. We have both learned how to truly forgive and move on from the past hurt that we both created, instead of letting it tear us part over and over again. We have learned to sincerely love and laugh with each other, and to show each other exactly what we mean to one another every day. The best part is when we can catch that sparkle in each other's eye that shows how deeply in love we are, and remind us of the many wonderful reasons to stay married and work through these troubles together.
I feel like we have come a long way, especially after truly believing that our marriage was doomed for divorce. It is so encouraging to receive positive direction that helps keep our marriage together. It really CAN be done and we really CAN be successful. Thank you to everyone that works so hard to help save marriages like ours!
Tammy and Jim"
"Thanks for your enquiry. We invested in the Strong Marriage Now system about 10 days ago and have already seen benefits as we work through the videos. We seem to have developed a greater willingness to collaborate and communicate and have developed a greater intimacy as we work and spend time together on this project. Our plan is to continue through the videos and select the parts we really need to concentrate on before downloading and printing off the relevant exercises.
A major benefit of the introductory video was the point about married couples falling in and out of love. This grabbed our attention and really engaged both of us (which of course was your intention)! Anyway, we both have a renewed hope for our marriage and will continue the videos tonight."
-- George - Manchester, UK
"When I stumbled upon the StrongMarriageNow web site, my husband and I were really struggling financially. I knew we could not commit to the program until we worked out a plan in our budget. Not knowing when that would be, I signed up for the email list and promptly forgot about the system. However, in times of heartache and resentment, I would find a hopeful email in my inbox. As I began to reflect on the advice on the web site and on the videos, I began to feel more hopeful and committed to my marriage. So, when I received an email about women and sexual expectations, it really spoke to me. I remember thinking, "This sounds just like us!"...
Later I received an email about having a spouse that was checked out of the marriage, and another about remembering why you are thankful to have your spouse in your life. Again, I felt a renewed sense of commitment to my marriage. I sat down and made a list of things I could do to show my husband that I care, and that I am committed to changing my behavior, without sounding preachy or condescending like when I forwarded him the email. I am now saving the money to purchase a membership, and I am going to ask him to work on the relationship with me. If he won't, I still plan to try it and see what I can do to show him I care and that he can trust me again."
"My wife left me in January of this year. We were not talking and spent most our time in different parts of the house. Like so many other Americans, we had money problem and were in the process of losing our home. I started looking for help because my wife wouldn’t talk to me, and she stated she was not in love with me any more. I tried phone calls and any thing else I could do to get her attention, but nothing worked.
Dr. Dana gave me hope when she stated that during along relationship, people fall in and out of love all the time. She also said you have to work on your marriage if you want to keep it. I gave my wife time to think about our family and also talked her in to watching Dr. Dana’s program. She saw that I was trying to change and that I was looking for new ways to save our marriage. We are now talking again, and are looking for a new home together. I know that the work is not over yet, but thank you for giving me new ideas and for saving the love of my life!
"My fiancé had an affair for one year. He was living a double life, and when I found out it felt like someone stabbed me in the back. I felt like there was a whole in my stomach and a pain like I had never felt before. We had been together for 16 years. We purchased a home together rand lived there for 7 years. We were engaged, but we were not married. I loved and I thought he was my soul mate. It felt like we would be together forever. Then we lost our jobs six months apart. My mother was sick and almost died. Then my brother went through a divorce. As time went by the stress of the job loss and financial stress took hold.
He met a woman doing freelance work and started to spend more time with her. He said, “It just happened”. I was reading everything on the Internet regarding cheating and what the warning signs were. I trusted him, and never thought he would do this to me. We also went to counseling, but he never gave her up while trying to work things out with me. I felt like the wounds would be just reopened all over again. There was no trust or respect left at that point.
Dr. Dana’s advise from the 5 Secrets to Save your Marriage helped me immensely. People can change and make things better once they take responsibility, and I did. I took 50% of the blame and I forgave him and I forgave her. Our relationship, I understood, was vulnerable and I wish I had had Dr. Dana’s advice earlier to try to save it.
The advice about falling in and out of love during a relationship being normal was something I understood completely, but he didn't. He only talks about his feelings and the passion. If he would spend as much time with me as he did with her, he would have bonded, and we would have had the passion. He made a choice and he has to suffer the consequences. The grass is not always greener: this other woman was twice divorced and has two teenage children. Until he deals with our issues, as Dr. Dana said, he will be taking them to the next situation. I don't think he's at that point yet. I also learned from Dr. Dana to start making little changes with your self and then maybe the other person will notice and they'll begin to change.
After gaining Dr. Dana’s advice I started to get by self-esteem back. I lost 30 pounds. I felt better than ever, and I was focusing on me. I have a good job prospects now and look for 2012 to be the best your ever. I wish we could celebrate our 17-year anniversary in 2012, but I only have control of my life. Dr. Dana has given me hope for a better future that I can build alone or with the support of a man that I love. Only time will tell.
Thank you & I wish you good health & happiness!!
Nancy M - Wisconsin
"I agree with Dr. Dana's philosophy and approach. She has created a program which effectively covers the skills everyone needs to deal with the tough issues. One key to having a healthier relationship is learning better skills. Often couples do what they do because they don't know what else to do. Dr. Dana explains what else you can do!
She has a very effective format utilizing both the written and visual mediums. Her video format is great. It feels like she's talking to you one-on-one. Her methods are easy to understand and apply. She empowers the motivated partner and works to re-engage the checked out partner. I believe that this System can help almost any couple regardless of the present state of their relationship."
"Dr.Dana and Amy, Thank you so much for sharing your time with us. How joyful! I have been, for a long time, silent and full of pain. That was stopped by your determination and words of encouragement to couples to not break up their marriage. I am quite happy now. I see effort from my fiancee. He even said he wanted to get a "gold star" from me and he is willing to work for that. It has brought me to tears that the silence of the past five years is over. You enlighten me. Thank you, thank you so much and More More Power to All of You Out There! I love U." -- Velma
“I felt stuck, at a dead end. Throughout our 17-year marriage, I had tried many times to get my husband to see a counselor but it was always a BIG NO. We weren’t going to get a divorce but I felt like our marriage could be a lot better. When I talked to him about the videos he was right away willing to sit down and watch them with me. We’re now more of a couple rather than just parents. It’s like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend again. Thank you Dr. Fillmore and StrongMarriageNow for the opportunity to use your videos for my marriage..... love it!!!!!!” -- Gabriela and Rafael P, San Diego, CA
"Dr. Fillmore and the StrongMarriageNow System is fantastic! Her straightforward advice has improved my relationship with my husband and children. Her practical advice (for example, regular dates with my husband!) was easy to achieve, made sense, and produced great results. She is energetic, enthusiastic, confident and passionate about her work. She tells it like it is, without beating around the bush, so she does not waste my time!" -- Carol, Bay Park, CA
"Dr Fillmore's advice has been invaluable to me and my family. Her advice is direct and actionable but never criticizes. She helps you to understand that there is no fault; we have different ways of expressing ourselves and it is important to recognize our differences and work with them rather than being angry that things aren't going our way. With her simple, straightforward approach, you'll immediately start seeing a difference in how you communicate." – Robyn, La Jolla, CA
“My husband was able to open up about what he wanted and I have to say we have had a great time in our sex life since then. In some ways its like it was in the beginning! So exciting. We are really having way more fun and way better sex than ever before. I would just like to encourage everyone to give this a try. I was amazed at how much we both learned and how much more fun we are having together. We feel closer and more in love, I would say, now than ever before. I am so glad that we found your system. In fact, I have said this before, I have already been raving about it to my girlfriends and they are thrilled. Girls talk, right? I am pretty sure that I am a hero with the husbands! So anyone who is having trouble, you have got to try this system.” -- Jen, San Jose, CA
"I am so happy we found the StrongMarriageNow System. Prior to this, we were fighting a lot and on the verge of separation. We've only gone through the first three weeks of the System but we already see a big difference. My husband, James, and I both think the program is great. It has definitely helped us out. I love how Dr. Dana asked us tell each other how awesome we are everyday. It seems silly, corny even, but it feels nice waking up to a phone call or even a text stating how great I am. My husband James, like most men, loves praise. James has been working two full time jobs so it is challenging spending alone time. We struggled with that exercise. Plus I don't really have many people to watch my daughter. But we try. We haven't been able to get 8 hours a week but we do make as much time as we can. When the kids are asleep we try to catch up before he goes to bed. The System is easy to follow. Dr. Dana is great at coming across like she is in the room with you. It feels like a real one-on-one session. We can't thank you enough for helping us!" - James and Monique — Maryland
"We thought we were sailing along just fine. Fifteen years and still happily married, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t had bumps. We know a relationship takes work, but you made something really hit home for us. It’s not just work in the tough times, but work during the good times too. Eight hours of quality time shouldn’t really be called “work,” it’s really a pleasure! Thank you!" – Giles and Betsy, Mission Hills, CA
"By the time we found Dr. Fillmore, we were done or we thought we were. We’d been married for ten years and we really loved our son but after years of fighting about everything, we just couldn’t see how to make it work. Dr. Fillmore convinced us to give it one more shot. Things started to get better almost immediately. That was over two years ago and we now say we are happily married.”- Brian and Melanie, Oceanside, CA
"Dr. Fillmore has given me solid tools to use to help me in my marriage. I love how Dr. Fillmore is so direct, she tells you like it is!! And guys can totally relate to her too. Instead of taking lots of time to analyze each situation, she gives you easy rules to implement each day of your life. When I have used the techniques, I notice immediate changes, in how my husband and I relate to each other and how I feel about myself. I wholeheartedly recommend Dr. Fillmore to all of my friends." Carrie - Del Mar, CA
"I had been watching the videos for a couple of months. I learned about lots of different things, but it always got back to problems between my husband and me. I finally convinced my husband to watch just one video. He was really reluctant but Dr. Dana made him feel comfortable and he surprisingly agreed to watch the rest. She taught us how to listen to each other and showed us how to put our marriage first. Now we enjoy our time together – especially date nights!" - Lisa, Del Mar, CA
"I'm a stonewaller as a person and only recently discovered, well 2 weeks ago, what I did to my partner and the damage I have done - I'm now in a battle to save my relationship and myself – I would just like to say “ thank you so much for your daily Hope messages – it really gives me hope and I realize what I have missed and not been doing. You are an angel from heaven. God bless" Kobus - Capetown, South Africa
"I found Dr. Fillmore's videos very helpful. I pray that many marriages will be saved by your organization. Peace," Teri - Chicago, IL
"I find your demeanor second to none. You are sooooo good at what you do. Your presentation is natural and entirely sincere. I see no script in your delivery. Your sincerity in itself perked me up immensely at this very difficult time. I wish I had access to your program years ago." - Henry Z
But it's not magic. You'll have to take action and apply the secrets to your marriage. Yet, we've made it as easy as possible for you to get on the right track. Sign up for the video series today in the form on the top right of the page and discover Dr. Dana's life changing marriage counseling advice for yourself.
These couples have experienced the power of our StrongMarriageNow System, a proven step-by-step 7-week program designed to get you the marriage you really want. Do you want to transform your marriage too? Give our System a try!
The System can even help if only one spouse follows it. It is a cutting-edge program that is different than anything else out there. This is the only Online Video Marriage Success System where you can watch online videos immediately on your computer. The best news is you don’t have to wait for 15 CD’s to arrive in the mail or pay thousands of dollars to see a therapist in their office. Instead, this program focuses on the key skills and information that when applied will help you...
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