April 23, 2014 8:00 pm
We recently received an email from a very distraught wife.… Read more >>
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First let me say that I've heard from so many people that have a difficult time getting their partners to commit to going to sex therapy. They worry that if he/she won't go to sex counseling, that they are not committed to the relationship and they don’t care about their future. Fortunately, in most cases, this is far from the truth. The fact is that many people are uncomfortable with going to couples counseling, much less sex therapy. This is due to many reasons.
Some people are more comfortable leaving things as they are rather than talking about and dealing with painful issues.
Many people are uncomfortable discussing their issues with someone they don't know.
Going to a sex therapist can make some people feel like a failure and can feel threatening.
Some people are concerned about the time and the costs of sex therapy.
Here are some alternatives to consider if sex therapy simply isn't an option for you.
Try seeing a counselor individually to help you learn how you can improve your life and influence your sexual relationship.
There are some great books that you can explore: "Getting the Sex You Want” by Tammy Nelson and “Sexual Healing” by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.
It may be that your approach to working on your sexual issues is creating more of a rift between you. Many couples are hurt and angry with each other and end up blaming and shaming each other. You may want to try using a kinder, more loving approach to help turn the tone of your sexual interactions around.
Check out some of Dr. Dana’s free sex therapy videos to help you improve your sexual relationship. Men are typically more open to watching something privately on their computer. Many of our customers have felt that being able to access our sex counseling materials online has been extremely useful. If you're interested in a free sample of Dr. Dana’s advice, sign up to get 3 FREE Sex Success Secrets!
Looking for Advice on Sex in your Relationship?
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Alternatively when you do decide together to seek sex counseling, there are some key questions that will help you determine who is the best therapist for you and your spouse.
The first thing you need to check out is this: Are they a sex therapy expert? Not only must they have experience doing sex therapy, (because almost every therapist will tell you that they do), but do they consider couples counseling one of the things that they specialize in, and do they have at least 10 years of experience doing it. The next thing you need to consider is, are they compatible with both you and your spouse. For the most part you can determine this over the phone. Keep in mind, a lot of therapists believe that the way to save a marriage is to try to make the man become more like a woman. But in fact, most men are more comfortable with a therapist that has a direct, respectful, and balanced approach. So if you walk into their office and the couches are pink and flowery, there’s new age music playing and lots of low lighting, chances are your husband will quickly zone out and very little will get accomplished.
If you find you’re in a situation where you’re feeling disconnected and unhappy, take heart, things can get better. We are often asked if our System can really work if it’s not face-to-face? And the answer is, absolutely! In fact, as we’ve mentioned above, sometimes it works better! We’re really seeing that in most cases, watching the online videos our System provides in the privacy of your own home along with using our workbook and completing the exercises, is actually better than most face-to-face therapy. Again, this is because unlike traditional therapy, we are not mediating a truce between the two of you – instead we are offering information – teaching you the skills you need to learn to make your sexual relationship a happy, successful one.
So if you are feeling as if your sexual relationship needs help, if you are seriously considering sex therapy, before you go any further, first, TAKE ACTION, and sign up to get 3 FREE Sex Success Secrets from Dr. Dana today! I'm especially excited to share with you some great stories from people just like you who did just that.
What people just like you are saying about Dr. Dana’s help:
"We were on the verge of separating, now we're back on track."
- Monique and James, Maryland
"We're like boyfriend and girlfriend again."
- Gabriela and Rafael, San Diego, CA
"Dr. Dana saved our marriage."
- Brian and Melanie, Oceanside, CA
“Dr. Dana is motivating, upfront, frank, to the point”
- Ann, Nevada
In the StrongMarriageNow System we talk in depth about what we call The Most Important Lesson. We point out that most couples do not spend nearly enough time alone together. Most married couples spend as little as one hour a week alone together; the average couple with kids, sometimes none. The average couple having an affair can spend up to 15 hours alone per week. Isn’t that unreal? I recommend that couples spend at least 8 hours alone together every week.
We answer this question at length in our System, but let me just say this: Some men, or really, some men and women, mistakenly focus too quickly on the “pink parts.” It’s important for a woman to have enough time to get her head “in the game.” This directly applies to the physical aspect of foreplay. Foreplay helps a person get ready to have sex. So let me state how important it is to invest the time to explore the whole range of sexual experiences from “first base” to “going all the way.” Women typically find foreplay and sex more satisfying when there's more time invested and the whole range of experiences is explored.
I’d like to explain what’s really going on here by using what I like to call Mother Nature’s big joke and the joke is this: in general, a woman has to feel connected in order to want to have sex; a man feels connected by having sex. Why is understanding Mother Nature’s Big Joke so important? Well, It's important because men get a seriously bad rap for wanting sex. Sex makes men feel connected, appreciated, safe, and loved. And often women misunderstand this.
Some of you may have been having problems in your sexual relationship for quite some time. The only way to make it stop is by TAKING ACTION and signing up to get your FREE Sex Success Secrets today! Begin to apply Dr. Dana’s advice to your marriage right away! 3 out of 4 couples report that they'll stay together after working with Dr. Dana. You'll hear real-life stories from people just like you who took action, applied Dr. Dana’s advice and turned their relationships around. You can follow in their footsteps, end the pain and have the sex of your dreams! Sign up today!
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