March 10, 2014 8:00 pm
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Feeling stuck? Frustrated that your partner won't work on your marriage? Click on the button below to discover how to motivate your spouse to commit to your marriage.
Before you go that far, if you feel as if you need to stop a divorce or if you simply need a little marriage guidance, check out Dr. Dana's Free Help For Your Marriage!
Hi, I'm Dr. Dana Fillmore and I'd like you to know that I've heard from so many people that have a difficult time getting their partners to commit to going to marriage or couples counseling to get help for their marriage. They worry that if he/she won't go, even to a single marriage seminar, that they are not committed to the relationship and they don’t care about their future.
Fortunately, in most cases, this is far from the truth. The fact is that many people are uncomfortable with going to marriage (or pre-marriage) counseling. This is due to many reasons.
Some people are more comfortable leaving things as they are rather than talking about and dealing with painful issues.
Many people are uncomfortable discussing their issues with someone they don't know.
Many marriage counselors are women and their approach to couples therapy is to make the men “more like a woman.” They want him to think like a woman and communicate like a woman and that just doesn't work.
Going to a marriage counselor can make some people feel like a failure and can feel threatening.
Some people are concerned about the time and the costs of marriage counseling and as such, would prefer to leave their marriage fitness to generic advice from television personalities like Dr. Phil.
The questions we are most often asked are: “How can I help my marriage now if I can’t get my spouse in on it?” “How can we save our marriage when we are no longer connected?” “I’ve asked God to help my marriage - can it be saved?” “I am a devout christian and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. How can I help my marriage today!” “I really want to help my relationship, but I’m afraid it’s over - is there anything I can do by myself?” These are all variations on the same question - “Can I help my failing marriage/ relationship? Is it even possible?” The answer is: Absolutely! Almost every marriage can be saved and even made much better than ever! But let’s face it, not everyone wants to save the marriage they currently have - meaning not everyone wants to keep the marriage the way that it is. However, I’m talking both about saving the relationship and making it better, making it the marriage the two of you actually want. But in order to do that it’s important to keep this one thing in mind: it’s completely normal to fall in and out of love in a long-term marriage. People who are married for a long time are not typically “in love” with their partner the whole time. They fall in and out of love many times over the years.
You know that 80-year-old couple that’s dancing at the wedding who clearly adore each other and still look madly in love? Well, those people will tell you that they were not madly in love every day for the last 60 years. In fact, there were many times when they wanted to toss each other out of a window! Still, they’ve weathered life’s ups and downs and they genuinely adore each other today. We all want to be that 80-year-old couple, right? We want people to say, “Wow, look at them, I want that kind of marriage.” Well, that couple will tell you that it took two things to get to that point: commitment and the willingness to work on the marriage.
In fact, here’s one of the statistics we quote in our upcoming book: Research indicates that 86% of unhappily married couples that stay together and work on their marriage report being much happier later on in life. In other words, they’re glad they did. So for those of you who ask, “Can my marriage be saved?” now you know that you can save your marriage and that falling in and out of love is normal. I hope you have hope again. I hope you know that if you’re willing to do the work, things can get considerably better for both you and your spouse.
Here are some marriage tip alternatives to consider if marriage counseling simply isn't an option for you.
Try seeing a counselor individually to help you learn how you can improve your life and influence your marriage/relationship encounters.
There are some great marriage advice books that you can explore: "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it" by Patricia Love and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. These books can offer a kind of “marriage quiz,” to help you understand where you are as well as offering excellent marriage tips.
It may be that your approach to working on the marriage is creating more of a rift between you. Many couples are hurt and angry with each other and end up blaming and shaming each other. You may want to try using a kinder, more loving approach to help turn the tone of your interactions around.
Consider checking out some of the free marriage advice videos that we offer to help couples improve their marriage. Men are typically more open to watching something privately on their computer. Many of our customers have felt that being able to access our marriage advice materials online has been extremely useful. This offers them help with their marriage in the privacy of their own home! If you're interested, sign up for our free marriage videos today!
Again, the StrongMarriageNow System is a great alternative to face-to-face marriage counseling and in fact, we’re really seeing that in most cases, watching the online videos in the privacy of your own home and completing the exercises is actually better than most face-to-face therapy.
Being happily married has a lot more to do with knowing how to be happily married than it does with who you’re married to. If you find you’re in a situation where you’re feeling disconnected and unhappy, take heart, things can get better. There are six major skills that couples need to learn in order to have a strong and healthy marriage. These are:
Spending Time Together
Understanding Each Other
Agreeing on Money Issues
Fairly Dividing Responsibilities
Having a Satisfying and Healthy Sex Life
Couples that are strong in these areas have the best possible chance at having a long-term happy marriage. If you feel like your marriage could use some work in one or more of these areas, take action and sign up for free marriage help today!
We are often asked if our System can really work if it’s not face-to-face? And the answer is, absolutely! In fact, as we’ve mentioned above, sometimes it works better! We’re really seeing that in most cases, watching the online videos our System provides in the privacy of your own home along with using our workbook and completing the exercises, is actually better than most face-to-face therapy. Again, this is because unlike traditional therapy, we are not mediating a truce between the two of you – instead we are offering information – teaching you the skills you need learn to make your relationship, your marriage, a happy, successful one.
So if you are feeling as if your marriage needs work, if you genuinely believe it is time to save your marriage, before you go any further, first, TAKE ACTION, and sign up for our free marriage videos today! I'm especially excited to share with you some great stories from people just like you who did just that.
In the StrongMarriageNow System we talk in depth about what we call The Most Important Lesson. We point out that most married couples do not spend nearly enough time alone together. Most married couples spend as little as one hour a week alone together; the average couple with kids, sometimes none. The average couple having an affair can spend up to 15 hours alone per week. Isn’t that unreal? I recommend that couples spend at least 8 hours alone together every week.
We answer this question at length in our teleseminar, but let me just say that the answer is: Absolutely Not! A marriage can be saved after an affair, if you both commit to forgive, get the relationship skills you need, and commit to work together on the marriage. In fact, the marriage can not only be saved, it can be made even stronger and happier than ever before!
On a quick side note, we frequently receive questions about what constitutes infidelity. We receive descriptions of lots of inappropriate friendships, “She’s really close to the neighbor guy, but they’re just friends,” “He’s really close to a co-worker, but they’re just friends,” etc. While we cover this in greater depth in our Affair-Proof Your Marriage series, I want to say this: when you are married, you should never be close friends with someone of the opposite sex who is not just as close to your spouse. The reason for this is because if you are close friends with someone of the opposite sex who is not also equally close to your spouse, you are getting your emotional needs met outside of your marriage. Further, you are most likely not fulfilling your spouse’s emotional needs either and that combination puts your marriage in extreme jeopardy.
StrongMarriageNow.com is compatible with most faiths, religions and walks of life. The StrongMarriageNow System teaches principles that honor marriage: love, commitment, honesty, trust and connection. Dr. Dana teaches that we all have choices in how we think, act, and behave and she gives you the tools to make more effective choices. She also teaches that we can choose our attitude towards our life and our relationships. Dr. Dana is empowering and thought-provoking. We are not affiliated with any political organization.
Some of you may have been in pain in your marriage for quite some time. The only way to make it stop is by TAKING ACTION and signing up for our email list right now! Begin to apply Dr. Dana’s advice to your marriage right away! Three out of four couples who learn and apply Dr. Dana's
Marriage Success Skills say they WANT to stay together. You'll hear real-life stories from people just like you who took action, applied Dr. Dana’s advice and turned their relationships around. You can follow in their footsteps, end the pain and have the marriage of your dreams! Sign up for Dr. Dana’s marriage help today!
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