Dr. Dana's Help to Get Your Spouse Checked Back Into Your Relationship

Discover How to Get Your Partner

Checked Back In

Feeling stuck? Frustrated that your partner won't work on your marriage? Click on the button below to discover how to motivate your spouse to commit to your marriage.

 

Video Transcript - Dr. Dana's Help to Get Your Spouse Checked Back Into Your Relationship

Hi, I’m Dr. Dana Fillmore. Thank you for taking our survey. In that survey you indicated that the number one issue you struggle with in your marriage is that your partner is “checked out” and will not work on the relationship. I’m so sorry for your situation and I want to help.

I recognize that “checked out” can mean a lot of different things to different couples. It might mean that you’re just having trouble communicating with your spouse about your concerns for the marriage, or it might mean that you may be living in the same house but never really connecting. For some, it might mean having heard the words, “I’m not in love anymore.” For others it could mean that their spouse has already moved out or is even interested in someone else.

These are all incredibly difficult and painful situations and I want to give you some information that may offer some hope.  First, I want you to know...

The secret of people who stay married versus those who don’t stay married.

Basically, the people who stay married are willing to do what it takes to stay married - they are willing to work on it. They’re willing to learn, to grow, to change, to take risks and to take action. Let me be perfectly clear about what I am saying here: with work, almost every marriage can be saved.

You may ask, why do I think that all marriages can be saved? Well, I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times with the couples who learn and apply what I teach. I’ve seen couples who were constantly fighting, who were on the brink of separation, even couples who were already divorced work on their marriage and be happily married again.

The problem, however, is that not everyone wants to save the marriage they currently have; meaning not everyone wants to keep the relationship the way that it is now. In fact, it’s probably the reason why one of you is checked out. The reality here, for both of you, is you are not (and have not been) meeting each other’s needs. I understand you may feel hurt, frustrated, resentful, or even abandoned. But it’s important during this process to remember that your spouse probably feels the same way.

So when considering how to invite them to check back in and work on the marriage with you, avoid using words that may make them feel attacked, blamed, guilty, powerless, or feel like “failures.” Understand that increasing any of these feelings by accusing and blaming them will only push your partner further away. This will make them far less likely to check back in and work on the relationship.

Instead, try focusing on the future, not the failures and hurt feelings of the past. Try to keep the focus on the two of you making your marriage better for both of you, making it the marriage both of you actually want.

If you feel like you need more information or help with getting your partner checked back into your marriage, I give you five clear steps you can take in our two-part video series called, How to Get Your Partner Checked Back In. In this video series, I talk about the typical love-cycle of a marriage, and I tell you how to get your spouse to watch the second video.

By the end of the first video, you’ll have hope and some clear steps to get your spouse checked back in.

The second video is specifically designed to help motivate the spouse that is checked out to work on the marriage. In that video, I talk about how being happily married is a learned skill. I get real honest about the meaning of commitment and give some straightforward facts about the impact of divorce. Also, I help both of you avoid some common mistakes that you may be making in your marriage. I’ll explain that there are clear “do-able” steps you and your partner can take to get your marriage back on track. I’ll list the practical skills that lead to a happy marriage. And, finally, I’ll tell you where you can learn them and how to make them last.

To learn more about what you can do to get your partner checked back into your marriage, check out our Two-Part Video Series “How to Get Your Partner Checked Back In.”

Want to Discover How to Get Your Partner Checked Back In?

Feeling stuck? Frustrated that your partner won't work on your marriage? Click on the button below to discover how to motivate your spouse to commit to your marriage.