How to Have More Success in the Bedroom
Are you interested in improving your sex life? Would you like an exercise that can open up communication between you and your spouse? Before getting into the exercise, here's a tip that can transform how each of you think about your sex life.
Try this tip
One thing that may help you connect and improve your sex life is to understand one of Mother Nature’s “Big Jokes.”
Here it is! A man feels connected by having sex. A woman needs to feel connected in order to want to have sex. Neither one is wrong. But we often miss each other because we fail to understand this. Sex for both partners is an attempt to achieve intimacy; they just take different paths to get to the same destination! Again, it's important to keep this in mind as you work on your sex life, because this is the cause of many misunderstandings around sex for both men and women. There are, of course, some couples where the roles are reversed but in general, research has shown this to be the case.
To help correct this misunderstanding, if you're the wife, see your husband's desire for sex as a desire to feel close, loving and connected to you and welcome the opportunity to strengthen your bond as a couple. If you're the husband, take the time to stay connected with your wife throughout the day, check in on her and see how she's feeling. Ensuring that your wife knows you care throughout the day (not just 5 minutes before you want to have sex) will help her feel close to you and much more receptive to your advances.
Now, take a look at this exercise to explore how you both feel about the quality and quantity of your sex life. You'll also select a few things that can make it even better.
Exercise: Assess and Improve Your Sex Life
One of the most common reasons couples come to counseling is disagreements around sex. It’s important to understand how both partners feel about the quality and/or quantity of sex as well as to lovingly and openly discuss this often sensitive topic.
Print two copies of this exercise so that both you and your spouse can complete it. Follow these steps to assess and improve your sex life:
1. Grade your satisfaction with the QUALITY of your sex life
1 - Extremely Satisfied
2 - Satisfied
3 - Neutral
4 - Dissatisfied
5 - Extremely Dissatisfied
2. Circle 2 things that would improve the QUALITY of your sex life
● More excitement and enthusiasm
● More variety
● Less criticism or judgment
● Meets more of my needs
● More foreplay
● More exploration of the whole range of sexual experiences
● Increased sexiness
● More exploration of fantasies
● Increased trust
● Other ______________________________
3. Grade your satisfaction with the QUANTITY of your sex life
1 - Extremely Satisfied
2 - Satisfied
3 - Neutral
4 - Dissatisfied
5 - Extremely Dissatisfied
4. Circle 2 things that would improve the QUANTITY of your sex life
● More excitement and enthusiasm
● More variety
● Less criticism or judgment
● Meets more of my needs
● More foreplay
● More exploration of the whole range of sexual experiences
● Increased sexiness
● More exploration of fantasies
● Increased trust
● Other ______________________________
5. Gently share your assessment with your partner.
Have a loving conversation. Do not blame or shame. Take responsibility for your part and choose one item from your partner’s list and make it a priority to work on it tonight.
Use this exercise and Mother Nature’s “Big Joke” to get closer to each other. You’ll have a lot of fun!
We’ve got five full videos on dramatically improving your sex life in the StrongMarriageNow System. Check it out!
Did you try this exercise? What do you think about Mother Nature's "Big Joke?" Tell us below!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, Co-Founders of StrongMarriageNow.com
Save Your Marriage By Looking Into Sex Therapy. Visit http://www.strongmarriagenow.com
